Day 311: Adultery and Divorce (2380-2386)

• It’s Day 311!!

• OFFENSES AGAINST THE DIGNITY OF MARRIAGE

• Marriage is a great gift and was elevated by Jesus Christ Himself to the status of a sacrament

• There are ways that marriage can be attacked and wounded

• There are ways that we can offend the dignity of marriage

• ADULTERY

• DIVORCE

• These are part of our broken world

• In this Catechism in a Year community, there are people who have fought through the temptation to adultery

• There are couples who are listening who have been through the wound of adultery and have made it through and still struggle to be faithful, still struggle to trust each other, and still struggle to move forward

• There are also couples that have said divorce is not even a word they will ever say

• They have battled through the ups and downs of marriage

• There are times when adultery has broken hearts and broken marriages

• We are always striving for the good

• At the same time, we are walking through this broken world

• God made them male and female

• In the very beginning, there was this original holiness

• That original holiness has been broken and twisted by sin

• God has entered into our broken world, our broken hearts, and our broken relationships

• He has the ability to redeem them, to redeem our hearts, to redeem this world, and to redeem our relationships

• Let’s pray!!

Prayer by Fr. Mike: “Father in Heaven, we do trust you. We do know that even in our brokenness you are good, and you are still God. Even when we fail, you are still God. Even when our hopes and our dreams are dashed to pieces, you are still God. And so in this moment, Lord God, we renew our trust in you, we renew our trust that not only have you called us to this moment, you will never cease calling us. You will never cease holding on to us. Help us to hold on to you in the midst of our pain, in the midst of our brokenness, in the midst of all the ways that the goodness you have created is attacked. On this day, Lord God, I ask that you please be with every member of this community, of the Catechism in a Year community, be with all of us and give us the grace that we need to get through this day and to get closer to you. In Jesus’ name we pray. Amen”

• So there we have it!!

• Paragraph 2380 says, “Adultery refers to marital infidelity. When two partners, of whom at least one is married to another party, have sexual relations-even transient ones-they commit adultery. Christ condemns even adultery of mere desire. The sixth commandment and the New Testament forbid adultery absolutely. The prophets denounce the gravity of adultery; they see it as an image of the sin of idolatry.”

• Sometimes people broaden out adultery to mean any sexual act being outside of marriage

• That is not the case

• Adultery means when two parters of whom at least one is married to someone else who have sexual relations

• There are some times when someone might go to Confession and confess to the sin of adultery but they do not mean that

• They are single and the person they have sexual relations are single too

• Jesus went deeper and expanded adultery to any kind of looking with lust at another person whether they are married or not

• The desire to use another person, whether mentally, emotionally, or physically

• That is the opposite of love

• St. Pope John Paul II said, “The opposite of love is not hate. The opposite of love is use.”

• We are called to recognize the personhood of every individual

• What does lust drive us to do?

• Lust moves us to simply use a person

• A person is never meant to be used but only loved

• In our daily interactions there are interactions that are utilitarian

• Like going to the grocery store and talking to the check out person

• We are called to not merely allow the moment to be utilitarian

• We are called in that moment to rise above the simple use of another person and make a true human interaction

• Does that make sense?

• Jesus tells us that at every moment we are to see other individuals as persons who are deserving of love

• Let’s listen to Fr. Mike talk about self-check outs at the grocery store…

• St. Pope John Paul II (maybe) said, “The problem with pornography is not that it shows too much of the person but that it reveals too little.”

• It obscures the person and reduces them to their parts

• When we have adultery in our hearts, we are reducing a person to their mere parts

• This is a grave sin

• If you remember The Bible in a Year you remember how many times the analogy is made between idolatry and adultery

• We are called to be faithful to the Lord God and to belong to any other false god is like adultery

• Those who have entered into marriage are called to be completely faithful to their spouse

• Paragraph 2381 says, “Adultery is an injustice. He who commits adultery fails in his commitment. He does injury to the sign of the covenant which the marriage bond is, transgresses the rights of the other spouse, and undermines the institution of marriage by breaking the contract on which it is based. He compromises the good of human generation and the welfare of children who need their parents’ stable union.”

• They made a promise to be faithful to their spouse and they break that promise, which is unjust

• They promised to be faithful, permanent, and not to leave

• On someone’s wedding day, there is no need for them to promise to love the other person on that day

• There is no need for them to promise to be faithful to that person on that day

• There is no need to promise to be stable and to choose that person on that day

• You are making those promises because the day is going to come when I won’t feel like choosing this person, or loving this person, etc. etc. etc.

• The day is going to come when you will want to be unfaithful

• When that day comes, I promise to choose you, to love you, and to be faithful to you

• Let’s listen to Fr. Mike talk about C.S. Lewis and Sheldon Vanauken…

• The False Sanction of Eros by Sheldon Vanauken

• You made a promise that comes undone and the “sanction” that eros gives does not matter

• To break this promise has a lot of consequences

• Paragraph 2382 says, “The Lord Jesus insisted on the original intention of the Creator who willed that marriage be indissoluble. He abrogates the accommodations that had slipped into the old Law. Between the baptized, ‘a ratified and consummated marriage cannot be dissolved by any human power or for any reason other than death.’”

• Our culture says that divorce does not really hurt anybody

• The kids bounce back

• Etc.

• Paragraph 2384 says, “Divorce is a grave offense against the natural law. It claims to break the contract, to which the spouses freely consented, to live with each other till death. Divorce does injury to the covenant of salvation, of which sacramental marriage is the sign. Contracting a new union, even if it is recognized by civil law, adds to the gravity of the rupture: the remarried spouse is then in a situation of public and permanent adultery: If a husband, separated from his wife, approaches another woman, he is an adulterer because he makes that woman commit adultery; and the woman who lives with him is an adulteress, because she has drawn another’s husband to herself.”

• Divorce lets children know that mom and dad can change their mind, right?

• So if they love me now, they can change their mind

• Yes, they are trying to make the best of a bad situation

• There are some really serious effects

• What does sin do?

• Sin never stops with us

• Sin always echoes out

• There are always consequences of our sins and of our choices

• We shouldn’t listen to the voice of the accuser, but we should allow our hearts to be convicted 

• “Yeah, these are the choices I have made.”

• We are all called to make promises and to keep our promises

• When we don’t keep our promises, there are consequences

• There is something helpful about acknowledging the consequences

• Paragraph 2385 says, “Divorce is immoral also because it introduces disorder into the family and into society. This disorder brings grave harm to the deserted spouse, to children traumatized by the separation of their parents and often torn between them, and because of its contagious effect which makes it truly a plague on society.”

• Fr. Mike has worked with students for two decades

• There is an extra wound as children of divorce are entering into marriage age themselves

• “Well, I don’t really believe in love. I don’t believe that a person can keep their promises.”

• That wound can be healed

• It is helpful for us to acknowledge that our choices have consequences

• Our sins do not end with us

• They echo out into our friends and society

• What are my choices?

• What are the consequences of my choices?

• Where is it that I need to ask for forgiveness?

• Where is it that I need to repent?

• There are times when someone has not chosen divorce, it was chosen for them

• Divorce is always tragic

• Here is a person saying, “I am willing to do anything to fix this. I’m willing to work on this.”

• The other party is done with this

• Paragraph 2386 says, “It can happen that one of the spouses is the innocent victim of a divorce decreed by civil law; this spouse therefore has not contravened the moral law. There is a considerable difference between a spouse who has sincerely tried to be faithful to the sacrament of marriage and is unjustly abandoned, and one who through his own grave fault destroys a canonically valid marriage.”

• There is a big difference between the one who left and the one who is left

• What if this is a violent place?

• Paragraph 2383 says, “The separation of spouses while maintaining the marriage bond can be legitimate in certain cases provided for by canon law. If civil divorce remains the only possible way of ensuring certain legal rights, the care of the children, or the protection of inheritance, it can be tolerated and does not constitute a moral offense.”

• In the civil divorce, the couple remains married to each other

• If it was a covenantal marriage that was consummated, that is unbreakable

• The only way it can end is in death

• There might be cases where for safety sake or some other reason couples may need to separate

• They are still married to each other

• Marriage is a sign of the Trinity

• Marriage is a sign of the covenant between God and His people

• Because of that, there is this high call to marriage

• Every married couple is meant to be an icon, an image of the very identity of God to the world

• Every married couple is meant to be an icon of the very identity of God to the world

• Every married couple is meant to be an icon of the very love of God between Him and the Church to the world 

• This is the high call of marriage

• It is a hard call

• Many of us are inspired

• “Yes, that is what I want. I want to fight against adultery. I want to fight against divorce. I want to fight for my marriage.”

• SO GOOD!!

• There are others who find themselves beaten up and in a place of sadness

• “Oh, I was beaten or maybe I walked away. It was my fault.”

• To be able to recognize that and to be able to take that next step

• Let me go to Confession

• Let me stop sinning

• Turn back to the Lord to allow His grace to renew your heart and give you new hope

• That is what we are praying for today

• Fr. Mike is praying FOR YOU!!

• Please pray for Fr. Mike and for each other!!

• I cannot WAIT…